Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize