fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
