I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
