i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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