Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
