you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
