i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
