I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
