This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
