I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
