i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
