There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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