i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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