I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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