I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
