Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
