May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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