i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
try to milk me bitch
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
