I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
