I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My penis needs a shock collar
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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