Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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