There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm really into asian looking animals
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
