found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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