I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
