I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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