Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
