You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
