I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
