all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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