I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize