i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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