I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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