I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
