i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
