I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
