Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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