bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
