so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
