i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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