Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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