Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
