Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
