Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
