I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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