I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
