Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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