I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
