made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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