guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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