my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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