Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize