So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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