just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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