Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
