I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
