Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
