Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well I just put wine in my tea
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
