Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
