Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
