as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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