You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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