I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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