She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
