i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
