so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
