I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
