you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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