I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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