you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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